Swingers want you to know a secret. Swinging is not just about sex.
Open relationships are having a moment. Polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and similar terms are becoming a bigger part of our cultural lexicon. But perhaps the most-known type of open relationship is swinging − and swingers are having a moment too.
Just ask Kiley George, a swinger who chronicles her journey on #SwingTok, a hashtag with more than 2.6 billion views on TikTok. The community also connects via symbols: an upside-down pineapple is the most viral and well-known.
George recently married her partner, and the pair were able to celebrate with all their #SwingTok creator friends and communicate within a Discord group of more than 30,000 members. They plan events, educate, provide resources and enjoy a safe communal space.
But that doesn't mean swinging is without stigma, George says. Many members of the community say they often feel judged or misunderstood and George notes some swingers, like herself, often worry their content will be censored on TikTok. USA TODAY has reached out to the platform for comment.
#SwingTok leaders want people to get to know them beyond their sexual proclivities, and they say that swinging is about a lot more. Not every party or club is an immediate orgy.
"Sex is always an option," George says. "But it's not always the first thing that we do. We are developing friendships and relationships outside of sex."
What is swinging, exactly?
The short answer is swinging is the practice of exchanging partners strictly for sex, according to a 2014 article in the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality.
"Spouse exchange" has indeed happened historically, dating as far back as the 1940s through "key clubs," as they were known at the time. In the '50s, it was dubbed "wife-swapping." It's unclear how many partake in swinging today – some estimates have said 2% or less – though one study from the North American Swing Club Alliance said 15% of U.S. couples have tried it at least once in their married lives.
Nowadays, people visit swinging clubs and can otherwise connect online with other swingers.
'Swinging has been underground'
Social media has broken the group out of secrecy, and "we have a way to not only express ourselves in our individuality, in our sexual freedoms, but we also have a way to help people learn that this is an option for you and this is a safe, loving community," George says.
"For so long swinging has been so underground," George says. "And it's just been something that only like a friend of a friend knew about, and people would tell you through word of mouth."
Other members of this group include Dan and Lacy – hosts of The Swing Nation podcast, who requested their last names be withheld for privacy reasons – who were previously in monogamous marriages. The pair met after dipping their toes into the world of swinging.
"I didn't really want to be in a relationship with anybody because I had a few long-term relationships after my marriage," Lacy says. "But I wanted to explore my sexual side." Of course, "Once we got more invested in the lifestyle, it became so much more than just casual sex," Dan adds. They regularly answer questions on their podcast all about swinging: the truth about jealousy, how to find parties and more.
But "there still is a huge stigma," according to Dan, who pointed to advocacy organizations like the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and Open as educational resources.
"We're trying to push back against the stigma, but it's really hard to get things moving if you're constantly battling that censorship," he says.
In case you missed:The swinging community hid in the shadows. Then came #SwingTok.
'Swinging won't fix a broken relationship'
A 2018 study – "Changes in the swinging lifestyle: a US national and historical comparison" – found that identified swingers, compared to the general population, were more likely white and younger. They also had higher education and higher income, as well as more marital satisfaction and more sex over the course of a year.
That said: Demographic comparisons indicated growing diversity among swingers between 1982 and 2016, as well as a movement toward the Democratic Party and more use of protection against STDs.
How do you know it's for you? "Opening up a relationship works best when the relationship as it is feels stable, honest, and communicative," Allison Moon, author of "Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame-Free Sex," previously told USA TODAY. "Swinging won’t fix a broken relationship, but it can add new adventure and excitement to already solid ones."
And while the pineapples are fun – as well as other signals like black rings, white rocks and flamingos – remember that "just because somebody has a pineapple on their T shirt or a sticker on their car, that doesn't mean they're a swinger," Dan says.
Hence the need for more education before you embark on any kind of open relationship journey.
Is it for you?What is polyamory? What to know about poly relationships.
